Judith Beheading Holofernes by Caravaggio // Judith Slaying Holofernes by Artemisia Gentileschi // Judith Cutting Off the Head of Holofernes by Trophime Bigot // Judith with the Head of Holofernes by Peter Paul Rubens
tumblr “a massive porn botnet has visibly propagated itself across nearly every post with over 1,000 notes for the past four weeks on a site whose tos allows 13 year olds to use it and its moderators are either powerless to do anything about it or simply don’t care” dot com
straight men repress their feelings so severely with their friends and family, and then they come across a girl (whos been socialized to be Empathetic and Nurturing) and they find that they can tell this girl about their Feelings ! everythings great she’s The One ! in reality they just have a normal human bond but actually connecting with anyone is so foreign to men and their emotionally barren male relationships that it seems like something great and wonderful. so now girl is put on a pedestal that she’ll eventually fall from bc she’s human and not just a Male Feelings Receptacle and everyone loses all bc fathers refuse to cry in front of their sons
i feel like ikea turns me into a different person. i walk into the swedish furniture jail and suddenly i’m a 29 year old pinterest mom who owns 6546 minimalist storage bins and names her daughter parsley
i take one look at a showroom with like a perfectly styled FJÅLBJØRKBÖLLSTORP or whatever and suddenly i am this woman
A conservative dress with children of your own race. SO progressive!
…. do you need something, or?
Yes, I need to tell you that you have been manipulated by this site I used to spend my entire youth on. I used to be just like you but life made me mature and I realize now how brainwashed I was. This site is poison, and I sincerely and absolutely mean that. You were here since 2012? I was since 2009. Please, wake up, I beg you. Please stop being misled by all these labels and infighting and utopian ideals, it’s not worth it. Stop living life for cheap pleasure. Seeing innocent people be led to chaos like this makes me cry. It really does. i wish you the best.
what in the god damn hell are you talking about……. this was a post about ikea
If you come across as mysterious or enigmatic and are somewhat attractive people will try very hard to get to know you and you’ll mistake this as genuine interest in your being but it’s really just selfish curiosity and when the mystery is gone so is the curiosity
for some reason in my (cursed? blessed?) sims game i am able to invite the grim reaper to parties, and now he regularly shows up even if i don’t invite him. he often brings ceviche. normal quality. he’s a decent party guest except for the fact that the only interaction you can have with him is to slow dance. naturally i made one of my sims slow dance with him, which gave him the notification ‘we have a lot in common! id love to get to know you better’. so anyway, a couple of days and parties later, it’s 6 am and my sim gets a phone call. it’s death. he wants to know if i want to go on a date.
naturally my sim accepts. death takes him to the school stadium in the rain and stands outside, unable to be interacted with, while a thought bubble containing my sim’s face pops up over his head for a simlish hour, over and over again, carrying a rainbow umbrella while my sim sits on the ground and considers the hollowness of life.
remembering that all i can do is slow dance with him, i drive him to moonlight point, where there’s a couch and a record player, and i slow dance with him for about 5 hours. every 2 seconds he steps on my sims’ foot, to the point where it was hard to get decent pictures of them actually slow dancing.
after a while my sim got hungry so i let him go drink some juice, and death went and started reading a book on a couch. i went and sat next to him, wondering if there would be any new interactions since you get different ones when you sit on a couch or bench, and lo and behold i discovered, not only can you slow dance with death, you can also cuddle with him. naturally i did so because the quality of dates is determined by the number of positive social interactions you have with someone, and slow dancing unfortunately doesn’t give you any of those, but cuddling does. anyway, once you start the cuddling animation, you get fancy new options like kiss and make out, so my sim spent the next six hours making out with death on a shitty couch at the beach in a thunderstorm while listening to sim!bastille.
after a couple dozen make out sessions, a single option appeared under the Romantic… heading: ‘take a romantic photo together’. this only shows up once you’re a romantic interest of someone. i have now successfully wooed death. knowing that selecting this option would make death stand up from the couch and i likely wouldn’t be able to get him to sit again, i decided to end the date at the tender hour of 3 am (i guess death doesn’t sleep) with a kiss. it takes a while- death can’t seem to figure out where to stand or how to walk around a foosball table- but eventually i get my picture.
but apparently death doesnt like having his picture taken.
i try to slow dance again with him, but the option has disappeared. i have committed an irreparable social faux pas. i sit on the couch again in the hopes that death will resume reading his book and i can cuddle with him again, but instead he stands in front of the bookshelf for an hour. i take a break, leaving my sim to his own devices for a while while i check in on my other sims, since one of them just went into labour. i deal with that. when i return, i find my sim drinking juice in silence with death still standing in front of the bookshelf, but he’s changed into this sick new outfit in the interim.
beekeeper chic. finally, at 6 am, death decides he’s had enough. he will never forgive me for my social blunder of taking a selfie while lipping at his shadowy veil. he opens up his rainbow umbrella and leaves.
the date doesn’t end until i get home. i receive no date notification. death doesn’t even deign to let me know how badly i fucked up. all i have to remember my 24 hour gay liaison with one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse is a single selfie. i hang it over my sims bed, a constant reminder to him that he has achieved ultimate goth status, and a warning to the others he dates: i have kissed death, and he never called me back.
